This is where it all ends

I've been contemplating suicide,
But it really doesn't suit my style,
So i think i'll just act bored instead
Who can take the blood i would've shed?

She makes me feel so ugly
My heart is really on it's knees
But i keep a poker face so well
That even mother couldn't tell

But my baby's so vain
She is almost a mirror
And the sound of her name
Sends a permanent shiver down my
Spine

I keep her photograph against my heart
For in my life she plays a starring part
All alcohol and cigarettes
There is no room for cheap regrets

But my baby's so vain
She is almost a mirror
And the sound of her name
Sends a permanent shiver down my
Spine

She makes me feel so ugly
My heart is really on it's knees
But i keep a poker face so well
That even mother couldn't tell

But my baby's so vain
She is almost a mirror
And the sound of her name
Sends a perennial shiver down my
Spiii-yi-yiiii-yi-yiiii-yi-yiyiyi-ine

I HAVE been duped

I am currently sat in my garden as demonstrated in the picture below:

I took that on my Mac which I now have, trendy student etc etc etc.

Alot has happened since my last somewhat 'depressive' blog post.

for one I am now 18 which means I can enjoy the fruits of life to their full potential, for example last night I went out, how very grown up of me.

It was all fine, danced and boogalooed etc. ate a massive pizza on the way home all very nice. me and matt stayed up till about half 4/5'oclockish and had 'one of those' conversations in which you know the person alot better it put alot of things in perspective. Any one who knows me I am forever pining for women, and certain ones in particular. But the thing is I am wrong to do so and make them feel guilty because they're happy and I but in and make everything all awful, so if you are reading this and you know who you are I'm very sorry I have behaved appallingly.

now onto more light hearted jazz, In the next 3 months I am planning on seeing, Richard Hawley, Morrissey, and The Fall. The latter being one of the most original bands you will ever hear, Morrissey being Morrissey who I have had in my life since I was about 14 and has literally changed the course of my life and Richard Hawley who is without a doubt the most underrated (and I hate this phrase) 'Singer Songwriter' in the country at the moment, I believe 'The Arctic Monkeys' are always banging on about him, but don't let that put you off he is song writing genius.

Other such 'lols' that are coming up are Holtfest moving to London in general which i feel is all I talk about but oh well can't blame me for looking forward to something.

Did you know there are a political party in Sweden called the 'Pirate Party' who are the third biggest party in Sweden and they have been around since 2006, their whole ideology is based on Free Downloads for people, they have a massive student following and they thing they will get in power in the next 5 years but apparently they have massive fascist undertones. If you don't believe me then look at this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirate_Party

Just something to look out for....

To end with a lovely little video which I do hope you watch, This is Richard Hawley with the song 'Valentine':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVihcsjZKL4

Life is a pigsty

It's raining and I'm sat in my room moping.

People are cunts..

Evil waits inside your home

and shakes you through and through.

In November 2007 I had the honor to go and see Patrick Wolf do a very small acoustic gig for about 200 people, it was magical the whole evening. One of the best performances I've ever seen, but what I really remember is meeting a man called Devonte Hynes.

If your not familiar with his work he was one 3rd of the band 'Test Icicles' who have made one of the best debut albums (and subsiquently their only album) ever. He also releases music under the name 'Lightspeed Champion' I'm currently listening to his debut (and at this point only) album. It brings back alot of memories for me, waltzing around lincoln in winter wearing a big coat.....

Anyway, I met this man just after he had supported Mr Wolf and I had a 15 minute conversation with him about The Strokes, Lincoln and how he doesn't like to play to small audiences because it feels like it's a school assembly.
I thought he was a bit of an idiot to be honest but his songs were raw emotionally stong 3 minute perfect pop compositions, thrown in with the 'epic' ten minute 'Midnight Surprise'.
I often throw him in the same bag as those other post 2000's albums that have gotten me through awful periods.

I will quite obviously list them here:

The Strokes - Is This It
Patrick Wolf - Wind in The Wires
The Libertines - Up The Bracket
Lightspeed Champion - Under The Lavender Bridge
Guillemots - Through The Windowpane
Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - Angels

There is a certain feeling that I get from those albums that you just don't find with your average Phil Collins album...

I was tempted to put Interpol's debut but I realised the last time i listend to it was over a year ago.
well over a year ago.

These albums give you hope in love, life and the enjoyment of solitude.
Special mention goes to 'Through The Windowpane' and 'Up The Bracket' the latter being one of the 4 or 5 albums that has genuanlly changed my life.

Highlight of the day:
Being stuck in Skegness whilst it was throwing it down eating a kebab under a small umbrella

Lowpoint of the day:
My brother telling me he thought The Specials at glastonbury were shit.

but what does he know?

Gaymers

Zak (Kellys Cat)

is probably my favourite cider.

Last night I had something called 'Old Rosie' or something.... it was strong.

Then an 88 year old man called walter came up to us (me, Kelly, Jake and Ryan) and did some magic tricks. He pulled an egg from behind my ear twice and made sexually suggestive marks to Kelly, doesn't get much better.

Later on that night I ate this mans chiken off his plate whilst he had gone to the toilet or something.

I had a breakdown.

I also stole a book from this pub 'Star Treck vol 2' I then posted it through someones letterbox. someone woke up this morning with that near their front door. Very Nice.

and the less said about 'the grape saga' the better.

today thus far:

Me and my Dad had sunday dinner in the garden.

My Mum and Jake's Mum went to London for the weekend to go and see Take That. She bought me these. Neil young bloody hates war....

24th May, 1941

In 1959 Bob Dylan recorded his first ever song, I've just aquired it and I don't think my love for this man has ever been so strong.

Not in a mental way or anything.

When I was about 6 or 7 years old me, my Dad and my Brother used to drive to Nottingham most weekends to go and see my Grandad, it was 'back in the day' of tapes, sabrina the teenage witch, Panda Pop etc etc...

My Dad used to put this tape on and on it was this man who could barely play his guitar and was a terrible singer, but the lyrics he would sing blew my mind away. (If you have no interest in how Bob Dylan changed my life then stop reading now as this is what this blog will be).

My favourite one when I was 7 was obviously 'Like a Rolling Stone' (the 9 minute album version not the 3 minute single version). The absolute raw emotion this man was putting into this one song was incredible, there is a reason alot of people site it as the greatest song ever written.

My love affair with Bob Dylan ended at about 10 years old, at this age i had moved on to The Who, Jimi Hendrix, David Bowie etc etc. (I am going to point out now that at 10 years old I of course did not find out about these artists on my own, I used to raid my Dad's CD collection) I didn't pay much attention to Bob Dylan again until I was about 15, I purchased the classic triple albums 'Bringing it all back home' 'Highway 61 Revisited' and 'Blonde on Blonde' (the latter being arguably the best album ever made) These completely changed my life, songs like 'I want you' 'Love Minus Zero/No Limit' and the absolutely epic ten minute long 'Desolation Row' This man is my Michael Jackson, to all of those people who are currently stood outside neverland crying this is what this man represents to me. He wrote and continues to write the most beautiful love songs but then can follow it up with a song perfectly describing the amount you can hate someone.

anyway....

I told Kelly's Dad about my rekindled love for Bob Dylan, what followed was him leanding me every single Bob Dylan studio album, outtakes album, live album and B-side album that he had ever made (all in all I think it came to about 50 albums)

I readily went home and listend to each of these albums one by one over the next few weeks and the noise I heard coming out of my speakers was absolutely perfect, it has turned me onto Woody Guthrie, Joan Baez, Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Leadbelly, Little Richard, Fats Domino, Chuck Berry etc the list goes on.

Then a few months ago (new years day) I found out that Bob Dylan was touring again for the first time in a few years and was playing Sheffield, I spent all of the money I got for christmas that day buying a ticket to go and see him.

The months passed and passed and as the time grew nearer it was all I could think about. Then the day arrived. As I was stood in the arena waiting for him to come on I suddenly found myself shaking and nervous almost feeling sick, this was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Then the lights went down and the man who litrally changed my life hobbled onto the stage, didn't have any interaction with the crowd for the two hours he played for, he played what he wanted. he didn't try to please anyone by banging out 'the hits' which is of course what a true artist does. From memory he oppend with 'Cat's In The Well' This was most unexpected as it was the closer to one of his 'worst' albums (I don't think any of his albums are bad albums, I think they all tend to be different) The rest of the night was a blur, I was litrally meters away from a man who I felt has mapped out my life with his absolutely beautiful awe striking words.

It was probably the best day of my entire life.

All of this was brought on by my friend Jake who is a massive Michael Jackson fan asking me how I would feel if Bob Dylan died, there is my answer.

if you managed to read all of that, well done. I hope it makes you search out for some Bob Dylan.

I doubt it though.

I know it's a cliche but...

The Smiths saved my life.